Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
