I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
