Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
