fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
