mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
