So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
