found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
