I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
