i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
