ugly people sure do ruin things
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
