So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
