I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
