I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
