I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
