Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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