Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
