just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
