Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
