I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
