And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
