some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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