my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
