dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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