Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
