Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I sprained my soul last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
