my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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