my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so much tequila, so little girl.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
