never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
