Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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