Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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