oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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