i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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