saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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