i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
