trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
