Me too!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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