I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
