i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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