I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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