i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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