Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
