i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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