all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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