just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
