As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
