I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
