Got a toothbrush?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
