i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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