Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
