I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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