I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
