If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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