Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
