You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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