clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
